Sunday, April 19, 2015

A Year of Lasts (and the great upcoming year of firsts)

So here I am.

It's 3 am and I'm sitting in bed, my prom dress sprawled out on the floor, and for some reason I'm feeling extra philosophical considering I've spent the last couple hours jumping up and down in a sweaty room to lyrics proclaiming the glories of a good booty and a one night stand.

Actually the philosophical part might have something to do with the fact that I've been listening to "See you Again" from the new Furious movie on repeat for the past hour.

That, and my prom dress is lying in this sad crumpled little heap, and I can't help but be reminded that this was it.

My last formal dance.

And while Senior year is certainly a year of lasts, Prom is particularly devastating because (now here's a freaky thought) if you're a senior girl like me the time you'll be dressed up to feel like a princess will likely be your wedding day, and if that's not even a little bit terrifying I'm not sure what is.

Here's the deal. We are growing up. Sorry, but it's true.

There is no denying it. And this is coming from the girl who used to write letters to Peter Pan almost every day for a year asking if she could go to Neverland all because her father naively replied to the first thinking it would silence the hope, but instead unleashed a full blown obsession. Let's just say it was not a pretty conversation when he finally dared to tell me he made it all up. Actually, I'm still in denial about the whole thing, my guess is Peter Pan payed him off in pixy dust to silence the whole ordeal.

Graduation looms closer and closer each day like an ominous cloud-at least that's how I see it when I think about saying goodbye.

Cause goodbyes suck right?

Why do they even call it that anyways? I still don't believe in a good goodbye, because how can saying goodbye help anyone at all? A badbye is a far more suitable word for the heartache it'll put you through.

 and I might talk a big talk about being all ready to move away and live my life and start doing all these great things I've had plotted out since the fifth grade, but the truth is it's scary.

I want to do stuff and I want to accomplish things as badly as I want to breath, but failure is imminent at some point. With my friends scattered across the globe and my family 2,993 miles away (I checked) will I be able to pick myself back up after that failure?

I think so. 
And I know you definitely can. 

Wherever you end up in the world I think we are all still connected somehow, even if we never speak again after crossing that stage and being handed that diploma, we were all here. Seniors in 2015. Through the tragic break up of beloved Zayn from One Direction, all of those long dragging assemblies, battling senioritis side by side- they've all lead up to this- entering the great unknown together. Even if this time, together means going our separate ways.

It's still scary though. The great unknown. Because high school, high school is good. At least it has been for me, (I know not everyone is fortunate enough to have had a good experience, and that really isn't fair) But, high school is comfortable and safe, and there is something reassuring about that no matter how much I want to be thrilling, unique and different. 

I'm good at high school, and I've loved just about every minute of it, and I'll miss it. 

But post high school brings a year of firsts, and coming with it a year of new adventures and new faces. And following that year a new year followed by another and another. Because you see High School isn't ending, it's our lives that are just beginning.

And as frightening as that can be, there is something just so beautiful about it.

Because I am ready, the same that I know we all are, despite how much we might tell ourselves that we aren't pretty enough, or smart enough, or powerful enough. 

We are ready. 

So let's finish this year out strong and go out and make some history, the rest of our lives are ahead.